What to Expect from 19 Month Old Twins

Ever since they entered toddlerhood, and really throughout their entire lives, new challenges and skills have been emerging every month. This month with our 19-month-old twins has been chock-full of growth, behaviors, and more communicating by the minute. I spend a lot of my energy and words in the day validating my twins’ emotions. I’ve been working to give them a greater awareness of how to love their brother. Let’s dive a little deeper into what their interests have been, some sleep challenges we’ve been facing, and how we are addressing toddler behaviors with the twin dynamic in our Montessori home.

What Should my Toddler be interested in at 19 Months?

Each child’s interest will be so different. Many developmental skills will be lined up similarly at this stage. Balls, small objects, nesting cups, musical instruments, and puzzles have been used constantly throughout this month. We have an open shelf with their toys and activities set out on them. I keep more open-ended toys and activities always accessible and activities like scooping, pouring, painting, and playdough that require more of my supervision I keep in a small cabinet in our kitchen.

Balls

Storytime! We needed to go to the store to pick up a few things, so we decided to take a family outing to Wal-Mart. They seasonally decorate the store by hanging things from the ceiling, this time it was beach balls. Giant beach balls were suspended in the air. Our 19-month-old twins were thrilled about this. As we walked through the whole store gathering the items we needed, they called out in unison “Ball! Ball!” We ended up picking up another set of balls for our home environment.

Balls are a simple way to offer gross motor to toddlers as well as a great thing to have in the environment to redirect them to if they start throwing something else. We can say to them, “You can throw this ball.”

Nesting Dolls and Small Objects

Stack. Unstack. Restack. Unstack and hold the smallest piece for the next hour. My boys have been very intrigued by working with our Russian nesting animals. Here is a set of Russian nesting dolls. These continue to be challenging enough but not too hard that they get overly frustrated with them. The biggest challenge is they both want the smallest piece. Since they are in a sensitive period for small objects, they love the small piece, it is highly coveted in our household these days.

Sleep Challenges We’ve Been Facing

Once they are asleep, they stay asleep, which is wonderful! The challenge has been getting them to fall asleep peacefully. We use a Montessori floor bed. Until now, it has gone very well with both of them sharing a twin-size mattress on the floor. This month, our 19-month-old twins were surfacing their bottom molars. This has come with more oral aggression, which is a nice way of saying biting. If you’ve been in this stage, I’m sorry! It’s a challenge for sure.

What We Did First

I have been wrestling with the appropriate amount of freedom of movement to offer when it comes to sleep and how to keep both of my twins safe. In a desperate attempt to prevent them from biting and climbing on each other, we set up a pack n’ play. This was not a foreign concept for our twins. When we travel, this is how they sleep. We have done this because I usually can’t prepare the environment to be fully baby-proof like I can in our Montessori nursery. But I wanted to come up with a solution that both kept them distanced from each other when needed while still allowing for some freedom of movement. So here’s what I came up with.

The Retractable Gate

The pack n’ play worked for a few days, and then one twin figured out how to climb out of it. Very driven these boys are! I wanted a solution to help them be separate and experience the natural consequence of “when we do hurtful things to someone then we don’t get to be by them”. Somehow I needed to create two rooms within one. I found this retractable room gate. It goes across the whole room but doesn’t always need to be up. I liked this becasue I didn’t want something permanent but I did want a way to separate them while still being able to offer freedom of movement safely!

I wanted to be honest in this blog post in an attempt to help another twin mama out there! So here’s an update on the success of the retractable gate. It wasn’t a success. My husband saw that one coming well before me, I had hoped my plan was the solution to all our problems. After 3 days of this retractable gate, they figured out how to go both over and under it. To say the least, I wouldn’t recommend this for an older toddler. It was a good idea, they were just too smart for it.

Now What?

I’m still wrestling with all of these ideas. I want to offer freedom of movement to my 19-month-old twins. However, the twin dynamic is a whole other layer to sleep that muddles the waters, so to speak. I love that they have been able to sleep together for so long, and I want that to be able to continue. Unfortunately, in this season, it is nearly impossible to offer that freedom safely, so thus, I have to limit their freedom. This is the hard work of the Montessori parent, setting limits and boundaries that serve a purpose and are not arbitrary. In this season of biting, we will be putting one of the twins in a pack-n-play. This is not ideal, but we also aren’t working with an ideal situation. Safety comes first and I need to protect them and their sleep.

Let me know what you would do in the comments!

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Addressing Toddler Behaviors in a Montessori Home

A twin dynamic is unique. It is the fast track to learning about another person’s feelings. I know that at this stage, tantrums are normal, they never have malicious intent for what they do, but they do need to be guided towards what is good and right. Firm but kind boundaries are essential. Twins have many opportunities in the day to see the effect of their actions. Here’s our process for addressing negative behaviors at home.

Observation

Observing has been key to understanding what triggers negative behaviors. It helps us understand and meet their needs better. Observation helps me to defuse things before they become problems. Yet, I’m not always right there by their side. I may be in the kitchen and they are in the living room, so I don’t see everything. Then I need to step in and redirect if I am unable to before it gets too intense.

Redirection

Specifically with the twin dynamic, the behaviors I have been seeing have been grabbing toys from each other’s hands, biting, pinching, and pulling on their clothing. When these things happen or before they happen, I state both my boundaries and the boundaries they need to have with their brother. Boundaries are key to success and safety. I say things like “I can’t let you hurt him. If you try to, I will move you away to keep your brother safe.” and then I move him away. If the behavior happens when I am not around, I will start by separating them and offering comfort to the hurt child. I will tell the other twin what behavior was wrong and point out how that hurt their brother. They will often try to offer a hug or kiss the owie. We don’t want to shame them, but set firm and loving boundaries.

These are hard moments and times when it is easy to lose our tempers as well. I work hard to remain regulated myself and respond with honest feedback on how the world works. For example, if I were hit or bit by someone else, the natural consequence is that the person would likely move away from me or not want to spend time with me. These are the times when we need firm boundaries, saying “no” to biting or hitting is okay. Then we can redirect them to something they can bite or throw like a teether or a ball for throwing.