How to Raise 17-Month-Old Twins (in my experience)

Every stage with twins is so different. To raise twins is a big honor. From the newborn stage to crawling. Going from sitting up to standing and then walking! Now they are beginning to talk and are learning how to communicate. Oh, and all the new teeth! My twins are my husband and I’s first children. My background in Montessori education has given me a framework from which to approach motherhood and parenting. But, by no means has it given me the answers to all my questions. Rather, a lens on how to view and solve those problems. Here are some things I have learned on the journey that have helped me during this transition from 17 to 18 months old.

Communicate and Validate

If anything stands out from this month, it is that there is a great need to communicate with your twin toddlers. To validate their emotions and experiences is very important. I try to cover myself with a blanket of empathy every day. It requires a lot of empathy to raise twins. There are a lot of moments when you need to empathize with one twin while holding the other one to a standard. This happens when one yanks something out of the other’s hands. Then one breaks down in tears and the other one runs off. It takes patience to hold space for both children’s emotions. We can help them to understand how the other one may be feeling when we respond to these situations.

Ask Questions

Another thing that has seemed to serve me well this month with my twins is to communicate with them often. They can say “yes” and “no” to me and are quite good about sharing their needs honestly. Most of the time when they whine or are sad there is something in particular that they want or need. I like to phrase it in a question, “Do you want water?”. They will respond with yes or no. And then I honor what their response is whenever possible.

If you are reading this and you are a twin mama, this part is for you. I just want to let you know that I see you. I see you in those moments when you are stuck in the middle of your upstairs hallway with two sad toddlers on your leg because no one can seem to get along today. When something fun turns quickly into something too rough and you now have too sad toddlers who need cuddles but want to be the only one held by you, I see you. When just want to go to the bathroom in peace, and even that seems like an impossible task, I see you. You are beautiful and so strong. I see you because I’m there with you.

Prepare Your Environment

My next tip for you is to prepare your environment to meet the needs of your toddler. Make it a “yes” space as much as possible. Prepare it for ways that your child can help in tasks and be more independent. Here are a few of my favorite ways that our Montessori prepared environment supports our family as we raise twins.

A Laundry Basket

Having a laundry basket in their room or right outside of their room where they can put their dirty clothes. I can now hand my toddlers their dirty clothes and ask them, “Can you put this in the laundry, please?“. Most times, without hesitation, they do this right away. They even do it totally, by putting the entire item of clothing it into the basket. Nothing is left hanging off the side of the basket.

A Learning Tower

A learning tower has been my lifesaver this month. They want to see and involve themselves in everything, which is wonderful but can also be challenging at times. I found many ways for them to get involved in my work in the kitchen using our Montessori learning tower. Additionally, it is great for them to see what I’m up to in the kitchen. They like to observe when I am preparing meals or doing the dishes. They love climbing up to see what is going on.

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Engaging Activities

I was changing out our materials on the shelf more this week. It seems we got to a point where they needed some more challenging materials to work with. Their favorites have been Magna Tiles, this peg-posting toy, and pouring. Check out this blog post for lots more Montessori-inspired toys and materials!

Prepare Yourself

Since the beginning of being a twin mom, I have had to give myself a few reality checks to help my mental state. Helping train my brain to expect certain things so that when those things happen I’m not negatively affected by them. For example, in the early days, it was so helpful to understand and accept that I would spend a lot of my time (I mean a lot of my time) feeding babies. And I did. Now, I have prepared my mind by accepting that my day will be full of many small moments where what I am doing may be interrupted by their needs. Someone will need a hug or a cuddle. It also may be that there may be too many needs to meet all at once and we all need to be patient in getting those needs met.

When I got my mindset in the right place about different things that I believe, it was helpful to fall back onto these more healthy thought processes. There will be amazingly beautiful moments as well as challenging moments when you raise twins.

Get Support

Take time to evaluate what support you need in your day. Communicate the needs you have to those around you and be proactive in setting up help and systems so that you can have time for yourself and the things you need to do that make you a better mama.